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How do you stop negative self talk?
The most important step in stopping negative self-talk is realizing that it is not real.
Negative self-talk can be crippling, and stopping negative self-talk may seem impossible. However, once you know that it’s not real, that negative mind will no longer have any power over you. The most important step in stopping negative self-talk is realizing that it is not real.
Have you seen the movie ‘Divergent’? There is a scene where the woman is going through a mental test, and inside this simulation world, she is trapped inside a glass box quickly filling up with water, and she has to figure out a way to escape it. Other people who took the test tried to clog up the pipe where the water is coming into, trying to punch and break the glass, etc. However, this woman takes a different approach. At first, she is panicking and struggling. But then she becomes calm, and comes to a realization as she says to herself in her mind,
‘This isn’t real’.
And then when she simply taps at the glass with her fingers it breaks, and she escapes.
(From the movie, <Divergent>)
Our negative self-talk is the same. You can try different ways to ‘fight’ it, but the most powerful way is realizing that it isn’t real.
Then how can you realize that it isn’t real? It is one of those things that are easier said than done, but it is possible through meditation. Meditation allows you to actually let go of and discard these negative thoughts, which helps you to see the reality of it.
I would like to share a small example of how meditation has helped me to break my negative self-talk. I had this habit of taking everything personally and creating negative self-talk with it. If anyone around me seemed a bit upset, my mind would immediately jump to the conclusion that I must have done something wrong.
One day, I was going somewhere in a car with a friend, and he was not in a good mood. This habit of mine kicked in and I got nervous, recounting what I had been saying and doing that day, trying to see what I had done wrong. And because I got nervous, I kept glancing over, asking if everything was ok, and kept trying to make conversation. At first, he said it’s fine, just that his mind wasn’t good at the moment, but because I kept pursuing, he eventually said that he doesn’t want to talk right now, and to let’s just each meditate.
I said ok, and stopped talking, but at first it was very difficult because so much negative self-talk was racing through my mind.
‘I completely ruined this trip today, why couldn’t I just shut up and relax? I always make everything so awkward, I am never helpful to anyone, I am so stupid!’
But even though the negative self-talk was still going on in my mind, with the help of meditation, I started to discard these negative thoughts bit by bit. It took effort, but as I did, I could feel the negative self-talk subsiding and that heavy mind lifting. I kept meditating, and within about 20 minutes or so, all the negative self-talk that was so strong and convincing in my mind started to look silly, even. Once I discarded and came out of that mind, I could see clearly that they were not real, just the negative minds that I had created in that moment.
Funny enough, by the time we reached our destination, my friend also said he was feeling much lighter as well, that he had also let go of some stuff from this mind through meditation. If we hadn’t meditated, we would both have continued to carry that mind, and eventually would have ended up having a bad day. But thanks to meditation, we were each able to leave our mind behind and enjoy and be grateful for what the day had to offer to us.
Whatever negative self-talk you may have going on in your mind, know that they are all illusion that we created in our minds, and the moment we realize it, they no longer have any grip on us. Through meditation, we can let go of the negative self-talk and realize that they are not real, and become free from them. I hope you will also try meditation and start to free yourself from the negative self-talk. Thank you for reading and please take a look at this video to learn a bit more!
If you want to learn how to meditate and stop negative self-talk, schedule your free 30-minute consultation. Thank you!
